Imagine slaving away for weeks, months, years on your writing project only to have people put it down after reading the first paragraph. “But they didn’t give it a chance,” you say. “I promise, it had to start like that to set everything up.” No one cares and they go on reading or watching something else.

I’ve been reading the book Mastering Plot Twists by Celand. It was saying the importance of starting strong. Starting with action, intrigue, and emotion that also poses the narrative question. It makes sense because readers or movie watchers will get bored very quickly and lose interest. I’ve definitely made that mistake.

In the Aaron Sorkin masterclass, he talks about this issue. With a television show, its very easy for the viewer to change channels and find something more interesting. The person going to a movie theater has more tolerance for a slow beginning because they drove to the theater, paid for a ticket and sat in a seat. Sorkin says there is even more patience for people who to go plays. They have all the same commitment as movie viewers except they probably paid more for tickets and it’s disruptive to leave. There is some social pressure to stay.

The same idea can be applied to books and short stories. I recently read A Village After Dark by Ishiguro. Right in the first paragraph, we learn the main character is disoriented at night but somehow ends up at a village he had once lived and exercised some “influence.” That is intriguing. What is meant by influence? Will the main character find is bearing again?

In a recent short story I wrote about a drug dealer, I rewrote the intro to have more action. Now, the story starts with the drug dealer selling mushrooms at a rave and then getting busted by the cops. It happens in the first page. Hopefully, the reader gets intrigued and wants to find out what happens next. Before that revision, I had some exposition and internal thought of the protagonist. It’s funny how that can seem interesting to the writer but totally boring to the reader.

Go back and look at what you write. Did you start with something action oriented, emotional and that posed the narrative question? – telling the reader in an entertaining way – what is this story about?

I read Save the Cat and thought it was great and provided a simplified breakdown for creating a compelling story. One of the issues I have is that I read a lot of books but retain a small amount. A good example, is the Blake Snyder Beat Sheet. I thought that was a great tool and I generally remember it. I remember lots of structure discussion in many of the books I’ve read but I don’t have it memorized. So I end up going back looking at the book, get distracted, and it feels like a waste of time. So I’ve been working on an idea of memorizing more of the core lessons from the books I’ve been reading.

For me memorization has to be done in a specific or systematic way. Usually I need a combination of flash cards and mnemonics. I think about those people who memorize huge volumes of information and they do it through systems like imagining rooms in a house. Or how doctors and lawyers have to memorize lots of information so they know it when they need it without looking a book.

So to start memorizing something simple, here is a ultra simple beat sheet, based on the Blake Snyder beat sheet, with percentages to remember where things should end up.

1. Set up – first 9%
2. Catalyst – 10-11%
3. Break into Two – 22 %
4. Midpoint – 50%
5. All is Lost – 68%
6. Break into Three – 85%
7. Finale – 85-99%
8. Final Image – 100%

A couple notes about this. First is that I think the first act and catalyst is most important because it should set up payoffs later. Also the Break into two should also pose the dramatic question. Will the protagonist save the day, win love, etc.

For a mnemonic, scbmabff – that’s the first first letters of each line and not very helpful on its own. So here is a lame sentence to hopefully remember the simple beat sheet. Some cats bite, most animals bite from fear.

I’m editing my screenplay and I always run into the same problem. I don’t know where to begin. After reading Sol Stein’s great book, Stein On Writing, it got me thinking about doing a first edit pass on the larger big picture items: what is my story about? Who are my characters? What is the conflict etc.

Then I started thinking about stakes. What are the stakes involved in my story. I think stakes need to be established right away. And we need some sort of burning bridge. You can’t go back to your old life.

I looked over the first twenty pages of my script and realized there aren’t real stakes. My main character could return to his old life at any time. He had nothing to lose. I’ve identified a problem.

I thought about this some more after watching the Green Book movie because almost right away stakes are established. (I know the movie is controversial but I wanted to see at the beginning because it won an award after all.) I ended up watching about 20 to 30 minutes. You learn right away that the character is violent, loves his family, is racist, lost his job, and has a hard time finding a job. Twin problems are established: he is racist and he needs money to support his family.

(Side note: On lack of money stakes, I’ve noticed that just needing money is not enough. There has to be a higher purpose like the money is needed to help someone or something else: a family member or some higher cause.)

After learning about the Green Book character’s problems, we get the central conflict: he is offered a good job to drive a black pianist but he is racist and he’s going to be away from his family for two months. Also note that we are putting the two main characters into a crucible. The stakes go up because we learn that he doesn’t get half the money until the job is complete.

Thinking about the Green Book movie helps me understand why a lot of these script coverage people will read just the first 20 pages to tell you that your script sucks.

I think it is also helpful in thinking about a short film. A short film could be interesting that sets up all these problems and then takes you to that moment where the main character is given a choice.

I recently saw a logline formula posted online: When Main Character is [OBSTACLE], he/she/they must [DO SOMETHING] or else [FACE CONSEQUENCE].

I was missing that last part: face consequence.

To increase the stakes, I was thinking the main character is going to lose a treasured family cabin. It is important because both his parents are dead and the cabin is a physical reminder of happier memories.

Why is the main character going to lose the cabin? Because he is about to lose his job. Why? Because of his flawed personality trait. Although he is technically proficient at his job, his flawed character trait causes him to rub coworkers the wrong way. The situation boils over at the same time he receives the bad news about the cabin. The solution is money of which he is in short supply. Twin problems established: problematic personality trait causes him to lose job and he needs money to keep cabin.

Is this the solution to my stakes problem? I don’t know. But I think I may have a solution to my editing problem: where do I begin? Begin at the beginning, dummy. Why should anyone care about your main character and this story? What is at stake?

I was looking for a way to improve my writing and specifically screenwriting. I had taken classes, read books, and read screenplays. I felt like I was getting better but not that hard shove in the right direction.

I recently read Ben Franklin’s autobiography. At one point he admits that he wasn’t a very good writer. He then explains how be improved himself. There was a newspaper called the Spectator and Ben Franklin admired the writing. So he would take an article that he liked and analyzed it:

“About this time I met with an odd volume of the ” Spectator.” It was the third. I had never before seen any of them. I bought it, read it over, and was much delighted with it. I thought the writing excellent, and wished, if possible, to imitate it. With this view I took some of the papers, and making short hints of the sentiment in each sentence, laid them by a few days, and then, without looking at the book, tried to complete the papers again, by expressing each hinted sentiment at length, and as fully as it had been expressed before, in any suitable words that should come to hand. Then I compared my ” Spectator” with the original, discovered some of my faults, and corrected them.”

The more I thought about it, the more I really liked Ben Franklin’s plan.

I also remember reading a book some time ago about learning. Forcing yourself to do recall accelerated and improved learning. That is why flash cards work well. I had similar experience when I was going to school. If I just read the book or reviewed my notes then I didn’t do well on exams. If I made flash cards and did practice tests, I did well. Even at the end of my schooling, I was taking massive brutal tests and I wouldn’t even read the book. There wasn’t enough time. I just went straight to practice tests and flash cards and I did well.

I had a hard time applying the same principle to creative writing. There aren’t practice tests and flash cards you can sink into. Even with computer programming, I felt the feedback, bugs and failed programs, was super responsive and helped you grow.

With creative writing, you write and write, then submit or share with friends. Other than some grammar issues, there is no objective feedback. Improvement is vague and hard to comprehend. Your friends, who may not be writers or even readers, usually say nice things. The places that publish work give curt responses accepting or rejecting your work. Reading your own work is foggy at best. I’m usually lost inside my writing unable to see it objectively.

I also worked with a writing coach which I thought was beneficial and I would continue to do that. The only downside is that it was expensive.

So using the ideas of Ben Franklin I set out to create a custom screenwriting course. I would be studying my favorite movie scenes, taking notes and then writing the scene from my notes. I then compare my version with the professional.

I will be detailing my process more in subsequent posts.

You can read the Ben Franklin’s autobiography and the section I’m referencing here: http://www.ushistory.org/franklin/autobiography/page06.htm

I thought this article did a good job of summarizing Ben Franklin’s process. https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-benjamin-franklin-method-how-to-actually-learn-to-write-1ac4ebc7c3a7

I hired an production assistant through Upwork for a 5 hours a week. She helps me look for locations and organizes information. She also helps me do some research on different things like the Kickstarter rewards. It’s worked out well and has been very helpful.

I hired someone to do a logo design for my film on Fiverr. I paid them 22 bucks. I sent them a quick sketch. They took it and vectorized it. Made it look more professional. If you are on a budget using Fiverr I recommend you do a good sketch. Make it as close as possible to what you want including colors and things like that. For 22 dollars you don’t get good creative choices.

People have asked me what DAZE, the short film, is about. https://vimeo.com/225925560

I wrote this to make it easier to explain and have a consistent explanation.

Meaninglessness in Media.

Pick your favorite show. Then pick your second favorite. Now, wait. Pick your third favorite. What do all these have in common? They are all meaningless.

I’m not passing judgment.

And I’m sure you could make a compelling argument about why Friends was super important. Or why I Love Lucy is necessary

Media entertainment is an artificial intelligence that is reproducing at an alarming rate. Media feeds on our brains.

Nihilism and Burn Out.

DAZE uses a familiar pattern to show meaninglessness in the pattern. It does this by using the burnout of the main characters.

I love a good detective story. Chinatown is fantastic. I read and watched Girl with a Dragon Tattoo and Silence of the Lambs. I read Missing Person by Patrick Modiano because I was he won the Nobel Prize for Literature. I wanted to know what a Nobel Prize winner would write about. It was great, conceptual and unconventional. I watch the Twin Peaks series and found it to be fascinating. I also read and watch a lot of more conventional detective stories.

Many detective stories fall into a pattern…which is fine. Patterns provide a creative constraint and allow beautiful stories. Patterns can also be a crutch.

The pattern in DAZE is (1) discovery of crime, (2) investigation of crime, and (3) solving of the crime. This is a common pattern in many detective stories and mirrors the pattern found in “real” life.

When the pattern occurs in infinite frequency, it flattens out into a straight line. Viewed from hundreds of miles into space, all detail and texture are lost. All entertainment smooths like the earth at a great distance. It is unrecognizable as the pale blue dot.

The main characters in DAZE are at the tail end of the infinite pattern. They are in the second half of that infinite blip.

Discovery and Selfishness

The film opens and we glide through open doors, through a house, and into the backyard like sliding into a dream.

Two detectives stand around a dead body floating in a pool. One of the detectives is staring off into the distance, not looking at the pool. The other detective tries to make some small talk but triggers something in his partner. He starts ranting about pools and nature. How he hates it all.

It is not a dialogue. It is two monologues.

The characters don’t even look at each other. They do not acknowledge the body. They only acknowledge their own selves. The realization that someone has to get into the pool breaks their trance. Water is a metaphor for the subconscious.

Investigation and Memory

The detectives continue their formal investigation in the second sequence of DAZE. They drive, lost and aimless, looking for their key suspect.

The monotonous drive invokes memory. One detective tells the story of his lost love. It is particularly poignant since he is talking about high school love and he is well into the last half of his life. The detective finally tells his partner that he found his lost love on facebook and she is married now.

The sequence ends when they knock on the door of the suspect. The door opens and shuts it in their faces. They have reached the end of their search and the end of the memory of lost love.

Resolution and Fear

The interrogation scene is the anticlimax. The detectives have the suspect, handcuffed, and under their control. A few tough questions should elicit a confession and seal the deal.

Our hero detective is preoccupied. He has a medical condition. Something unusual that has been bothering him. He even called a specialist. Our hero detective reveals that he has a mole.

To anyone who has ever had a medical condition that has caused you grief while you searched the Internet for answers: this interrogation is for you.

How many people, professionals, workers, do their job while worrying about something personal? These people, like the detective, express themselves in a monologue to coworkers. They can’t focus on anything but their own problems. DAZE is a working fantasy.

And finally, a climax to release us from nothing. The suspect acknowledges the death. It was an accident. But she smiles. There is more. Do we care?

Our detectives are not listening.

Conclusion

DAZE was an experiment to call attention to the detective story form. It is a classic detective story structure uprooted by the detectives’ personal obsessions. The detectives do not acknowledge the murder or the body. The detectives do not discuss the crime. DAZE is a window into the abyss of meaninglessness.

I had no idea what I was doing.

I had been a fan of film and one of those annoying people that had a lot of opinions on what was good. So when I decided to put my money where my mouth was, I didn’t know where to begin. I wanted to make a short film. Something I could make with a small but reasonable budget. I also wanted to make something unique, a little weird, and conceptual. Something that didn’t fit into a prescribed formula.

I wrote a script and then stared at it, trying to imagine it playing across the movie screen of my mind. I couldn’t picture it.

Storyboarding can seem like a waste of time especially for a short film. Making a video storyboard with actual dialogue and music is a certain waste of time. Right?

I made a video storyboard for my first short film because I had a hard time understanding what I wrote in the script. I had a hard time picturing how it would play out. I also had a hard time communicating the concept to my friends.

I wanted a chance to see what it would look like before spending the time and money. In the end, it also helped me communicate my idea with the director, cast, and crew.

Don’t Worry about the Drawings

I am not an artist and I did not want to spend the time to make high-quality storyboards. I drew them as fast as I could, focusing on framing and character placement.

I drew one step up from stick-figures with bad extra details to distinguish them like a mustache. Here’s a picture what they looked like:

I also was not interested in doing a total animation or anything getting close to that. I limited the number of frames to get a sense of the pacing and framing without going overboard. For the 10-minute short film, I drew about 40 frames. I drew them in a small notebook and took photos with my phone. I then uploaded the photos to my computer. I was half-way done. Sort of.

Use a basic Video-editing Program

Again, I didn’t have any interest in spending too much time on making a video storyboard, especially since it was a rapid prototype.

I used a simple film-editing program called Filmora. I had some experience using it for family vacations and quick video experiments. It was very easy to line up the photographs, adjust the length of time they were on the screen, and tweak it.

Once the project was set up it was very easy to tweak it, taking frames in and out, and testing out ideas.

Record Actual Video or Take Photographs to See How They Fit with the Storyboard

I had an idea for a cool intro that I could not translate into stick-figure drawings. So I grabbed my cell phone and started shooting. I also took a few photographs of locations. You could draw over the photographs but I didn’t bother. I inserted the video and photos with the stick drawings to help flesh out the idea of the short film. It helped me to see how the final film would look.

Record Your Voice Reading the Dialogue

I hate the sound of my own voice, it sounds even worse reading a script I wrote. You got to do it though. I recorded myself reading the script. I’m not an actor, but I did have some ideas of how the actors should say the lines and the pacing.

Reading aloud is a good idea anyway because you end up finding typos and style errors. You also get a sense of how the dialogue sounds. This is a common technique used with screenwriters to test how the dialogue sounds.

For the short film, I had some different ideas about the dialogue and pacing. By recording it, I could test it and see if it sounded good. I used the basic voice recorder that comes with iPhone and uploaded it to my computer. I then used the film-editing program to chop up the recording and time it with sections of the video. You might be thinking this is a lot of work. Yes it is. But it’s a lot cheaper and faster than finding out on the day of filming that the dialogue sucks.

Test out Music Ideas

I love a movie with good music so I had some definite ideas for what I wanted. I plugged in some songs from Aphex Twin, the ambient selections album, into the video storyboard. It was awesome to hear the music, the dialogue and see my stick figure drawings. I thought the film might not be so bad after all.

I also had some specific ideas for sound effects although those did not turn out so well.  I inserted some birds chirping and the sound of water splashing that sounded too forced. Some of the sounds I  recorded using my phone. Sure the sound quality was bad but that was alright because it was easy to tweak. I could lower the volume or take it out altogether.

I Got Over my Embarrassment

I was reluctant to share the video storyboard with anybody because it looked cheesy. I hated the sound of my own voice. At first, the storyboard was discouraging. My crummy drawings, funny sound effects, and bad video editing all made it seem like a waste of time.

I let it sit for a week and when I watched it again, it could see the potential. I got over the embarrassment of sharing it and it was helpful in communicating my ideas in a coherent way.

The video storyboard and the final film have many key differences. The director, Matt Genesis, changed scenes and we cut lines. The story had also changed a little bit. In the end, the video storyboard helped so much that I am going to do it again with our next project.

Click here to watch the short film.

It’s almost finished.